* Star salesman, beet farmer, bed & breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard, office building owner, and former assistant [to the] regional manager
* Able to vanquish customer resistance through physically imposing alpha-male traits and insatiable, merciless, jackhammer-like techniques
* 13-time winner of Salesman of the Month award in 2005 and Salesman of the Year
* Leader and mentor of underlings
* Expert in martial arts weaponry, paintball, and pre-industrial German